The thing I'm afraid of

It's being unloved.

I finally determined why I skip pages from novel knowing that the two people I love won't end up together (the guy loved her sorely, and that feels T_T), and why I'd rather choose a ridiculously twisted movie than see a film about someone losing the spark from their lover. That hurts. That really hurts.

I never had a relationship, so I guess I could never say I was brokenhearted. Broken, yes, but brokenhearted, no. In fact, I have this strange curiosity about human relationships. It's very typical of me to watch people hold hands and then wonder why one day, they would begrudgingly hate those fingers slipping into theirs.

I never believed in breakups. Never had any, but I hate it. I have always known that when you love, love will always find a way. Always. No matter how different you are. No matter how difficult the situation is. Which is why if you broke up, you didn't love. The thing you felt wasn't love.

Because I grew up in a family with strong foundation of love, I never knew love outside that. Love is family. Love is being family. Love is treating them like family. And with family, you're never alone. You're never out of place. My perception about love is as simple as that. Of course, I know that I look after people. I care for people. I am concerned if they ate on time, if they got wounded, why they are crying, and so on. As for the romantic part, well, that's another story.

So right now I'm wondering what happens when I get to love in a love outside the love I used to know. That different kind of love. To entrust my heart to a stranger outside my circle. To cut open my head for that man to scrutinize and work out. To absorb another's soul which can either strengthen me or weary me with greater burdens.

I don't know which kind of love is higher than the other, but when it's time for me to give my heart out, I want to be loved till the day I die. Because I will be loving that person till the day I die.

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