Secrets are meant to be kept.

For a time, that is.

I had a feeling I am going through another series of social withdrawal, which, was all in my head. All in my head. I've taken lots of inspiration / ideas and I have to digest them before I could head out of my cave and smile at the world again. I'm still trying to digest those ideas, and while I only have a book (or lots of them) to keep me company and sane for now, I'm thankful for the bunch of people who made their way for me to divert from being lonely to being un-lonely again. I love you guys!

I tell you, being a Melancholic is hard. But really beautiful.

So let me tell you some stuff...

• I am in my Mukai Osamu mode today (handsome, I tell you.) I am still awkward with pants but I look really smart in this pair of linen slacks. FOR THE SAKE OF SMART.


• Ate May has been telling me all about the museum featuring the remnants of the Jews the Nazis slayed. There was a lot of gore, I bet. And I was really curious about "going out that establishment with your soul harrowed up." I like being harrowed up. My soul is harrowed up ALL THE TIME.


• We weren't able to finish the Nurture meeting, because we've got so little time! But at least we've got our suggestions heard. I pray my motivation / inspiration goes back as soon as possible and get it all fired up, at least for me!

And a few secrets. Ahh, secrets. They're delicious. We love to gobble them down because we manage to peek at another person's soul. I've learned a few things today. And I'm not going to tell you all about them, because secrets are meant to be kept. I'm keeping them.

• Me and my spirit-sister Roxanne managed to snag sometime to go to the prayer room, to talk, to vent out, and to let God hear our voices and anxieties. We're both born worriers. And this is bad, sometimes. I told her about the TH lesson -- that we've been trying SO hard the Holy Spirit wasn't able to move with liberty. What. A. Shame. And she had a bit of a breakthrough last week after me telling her that tip. Which made me smile, and feel helpful. I like being helpful, especially that this wisdom helped me out too.


• And it's the guy thing. You know, when girls get together, it's IMPOSSIBLE not to talk about guys. So I have to tell her about my two-dimensional crushes. And she tells hers (sneaky, sneaky). I'M NOT GONNA TELL! It's just that, maybe, I'd be smiling when this or that guy is around harharhar!!!


• I am still making kulit to God about this particular struggle, which I have to accept existed (there's no point denying it and it'll pretty much drive me insane if I keep it hidden under the blankets of my mind). It's really, really funny! Geez, I am funny. I shouldn't have had this struggle but guess what.


• Argh, I am being played and I KNOW IT. Stop giving me hints. Or clues. That leads to headaches. I DO NOT WANT TO BE BOTHERED. (But I am bothered)


• I am convinced that I am beginning to be awkward when my kids are growing up. KIDS, DO NOT GROW UP. Wait till I have a kid of my own. Then I'll know how being a mother would be.


• Saying that just made me realize how I was less of a "mother" to the kids in my ministry now. Yes, I'm SO sorry for being so introvertish  and distant recently. It feels weird being away from the people in the ministries I am in. And I love you, PJ, for playing paper planes with me. I love making kids smile.


• Can I tell people I miss them? Like I really do? And then get a nice little huggy response without any malice or what?


• Hello Benny. Nice to see you, my friend.


• One word. 赤.

Getting back to this topic as soon as I've overcome this struggle. I am overwhelmed.