Current Chronicles: Where my consciousness is

So let me give you a rundown of the crazy things that happened this week. Mind you, they're little crazies.

On finally, finally starting on my story, which I dream to be in print one day.

I am starting on my write-a-book-and-hope-it-gets-published journey this year, which allows me to learn many things about authoring and creating and bending the rules of the word just to give the right plot. Here are some of the lessons I've learned:

You don't need anyone to tell you where to go

You don't need anyone to tell you where to go
When to go
How to go
Why to go

 

You will have your own reasons, your own timing
Your own place and your own pace
You will have your own adventures
Different from anybody else's
No journey is ever the same

 

Current Chronicles: Updates on the life of the kid-woman

I rest my "I am not acting like a grownup" case. I have always acted like a grownup. I am as grownup as I can get. I should not wheedle my self in pushing for a more grownup me. I have always been who I am and why am I always complaining about that?

A song about a grown-up who doesn't act like one

I am a grown up
I am a grown up
Although I don't act like one
I am a grown up
I am a grown up
But I don't act like one

And that's my inner head monologue at this moment, and despite the contrast, I'm just the happiest girl-woman at least, here. Now don't be surprised if I skipped or sang or played piano all at erratic times, because happiness comes in waves and it doesn't want to stop, but it just wants to reach different places.

I hope you don't have any problems with a grown up not acting like a grown up.

I have been calculating hearts, not numbers

They say that it's always good to leave your doors open
That you can always pick opportunities more than priorities
Because opportunities only knock once
And you should answer the call at once before it leaves.

 

They say you should always look out for chances
Like hidden tunnels on a wall of solid rock
Where dreams pierce through like bullet, straight to the point
A fast-track elevator to your stars

A work schedule for individuals who wants to live a meaningful life

Shopping for spring: 59 Minutes Tees From Yesstyle

It's my first time, after a long time, to shop outside the country. Shopping from Singapore's GMarket was a failure for me, truly, which is why I stopped buying from online stores outside the Philippines. I really don't know what went wrong, and the product is probably rotting inside our ports but it still didn't get to me and I'd probably experience the same even if I bought at another Asian store. But when I heard about how Yesstyle delivers right into our homes (via a network of local couriers), I just had to give it a try. After all, shipping is free for $25 orders, and I guess an experiment won't be bad!

Spring/Summer is near, and adding a few nice shirts in my closet would be nice, especially that I am such a cardigan / long sleeve / casual wear lover that I have a little number of tees. And nothing could be sweeter than dainty items sold by 59 Minutes, which also offers 24-hour shipping (because I guess they're a local Hong Kong market and are stocked in the warehouse). I decided to shop with my $50 leisure allowance with this trial. And these two are among what I've bought:

Of being alone and feeling lonely inwardly.

You might have already known that I am an introvert. I guess it's pretty much obvious; the wordiness of this blog equates to how many sentences I wanted to vent out but don't know how. I'm not vocal. I'm usually thinking, waiting for the right timing, and if the timing doesn't come, then I'll forget what I have to say. I have been programmed like this, a tiny little turtle that shies away inside a shell whenever she's sees too much of the world, which is too less.

But for someone who is used to finding corners, stairways and sidewalks to sit on and brood, content with a shadow to accompany her, it wouldn't hurt to say that I get lonely too. And you may say nothing gets lonelier than being alone. There is. There is something more lonelier than being alone and sometimes, a whiff of another's breath makes me realize that I still exist and not a shadow of a woman. There are some things I love doing every once in a while, but not often, such as:

I like talking to strangers. Strangers that makes you feel like family in an instant without the dubious, pretentious looks in their faces. Strangers who doesn't need to know where you came from or who you are or if you have a good college GPA. Strangers who will easily share tidbits of their life and laughs over it without the fear of being scrutinized for being the person they are.

Current Chronicles: Grateful

This is the second week of my "healthier me" plan and so far, it's good. Being aware of how the savory, sweet things does to your body makes you want to keep away from them, no matter how deceptively enticing they are. It's somewhat like sin; very amusing, pleasing to the eye, but has adverse effects in your heart and soul. While I still have tasted a bit or two of my peppermint dark chocolate, I am refraining to eat those starchy carbs which will make my blood heavier with undigested sugar. I want to be fit and healthy to be able to comply to God's service.

And the change is coming pretty nicely this 2014.

そっと小さな温もり集めて...

This week opened up so nicely for me. Last week was like a push to a new, healthier direction, and although I am taking small steps towards that (I'm a bad creature of habit, and I am a person loyal to my routines). I haven't eaten truckloads of veggies, but I have lessened my carbs and I am counting the grams and calories that I eat. I am going to be a skinny diabetic if I keep on filling my blood with lots of sugars.

Morning breakfasts AWAY from my desk is my new pleasure. I mean, having to sit down on your place at the table, take time to eat your oats and milk while scrolling over your mails is awesome. I keep the crumbs off my laptop, and I enjoy my food. Love!

I am waking earlier than my January-February waking time, basically because it's getting warmer and I am aware that I want to work myself up as much as I can. I am piling on clothes just to do the laundry and keep standing when doing piano and to move and move to burn those calories. A little more push and I'll be doing those long walks in the morning. Lord, give me a jogging partner.

Current Chronicles: Eyes all over the place

What have I been doing? Hopping from one blog to another and leaving my little fairy trails to put a smile on the writer's face. Why, it feels so good to peek at the home of a stranger and leave a cookie or two and make them feel a lot appreciated. My little blog home is a bit cobwebby, but that's because I am not bothered being alone (I'm fond of it by the way) and I just want to have a little space to vent out my heart and not have anyone to look at it.

It's never going to be 'back to square one.'

My X-ray just came in this morning. Last week, I had such a fright when there was an indication that I had "abnormal spots" in my upper lung. And heck was I scared, for a bit that is. After whimpering, "Lord, help me please," I just felt this warm liquid hug enveloping my body and I was comforted after tearing up on my desk.

I had a similar scare a few years ago and I knew how it happened. I was young, I was weak, I was frustrated with myself and I got sick. At the back of my mind it was a slow suicide. But now, everything has changed. When back then, I was okay to die (without really having to kill myself), right now, I wanted to live.

And having a fright like this was just like remembering that thundering circumstance I had before. But somehow, a stronger hand gripped me, and I just had to tell Him, "Lord, I believe in You. I wish this isn't what they think it is, but if it is, I know I'm not back to square one again. I know I'm moving forward. This may be falling forward, but it's still forward. Forward to that place You wanted me to be in."

All the feels: It's not that I'm lazy. I'm blaming the cloudy afternoon

I feel much, much comfortable after changing my curtains. My room feels roomier and the colors are just speaking of "Spring!" although we don't have Spring, or Winter, or Autumn here. We're all summer and rain, which is why I am in a place where there's eternal sunshine.

Unfortunately, the sun chose to hid himself today and I'm feeling a LOT sleepy.

I feel a bit stricken after ranting yesterday that I "don't want to be in a corner", which unfortunately, is where I still am. But speaking in a Christian view, I get to understand that this is where I'm supposed to be now, presently. And that's all I've got. Now. It's funny how I am being taught to quit (day)dreaming and live in the present, just as when Takuto wrote a message to his future self and hid it in a bottle. I wouldn't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I gotta go with today's feels, however random it is. So there.

Current Chronicles: Do what you want to

And never mind the wrongs or rights. The best part of living is LEARNING, and not making it right the first time. It's just so unfortunate that I learn these lessons in my late 20s.

Go Remind Me: I'm into something BIG

Realizing you've got some health issues really brings on the need for change in your life. And in my case, it came just the right time. I needed change. I was stuck. I kept on dreaming but I didn't know how to get there or how to even get out of this hole I sunk in. And just then came a hand that is slowly pulling me out, letting me see all the gunk I lived in, and is patiently letting me know that, "This is the time, but You and I gotta do something."

Your sunshine's on my face

This post is created to mark the week I have finally overcome. It's not that hard of a week, but there were many thoughts, doubts and realizations and I am just so glad I'm here where I am.

Giving it back to gravity

It's amazing how we can learn at small, everyday circumstances. The things we never thought could help us are actually the best teachers. I like simple things the most, and absorb all lessons that I can, because they're pure truths. It may be my comfort zone, but having these moments make my heart feel it has taken a bigger space out of my chest and my lungs are getting tinier and finickier every moment.