Carry your burden

The only time you'll be able to do your best for something is when you take responsibility for it. Carry your burden, and carry it well.

The Things That Go By

The thing that I have to understand is that there are really some people and events in your life that, no matter how great or significant they were, will pass you by. They will go by. And sometimes, without looking back.

I just have to tell you that I lost a client today. //sad face// Yeah. But I realize that I was so hunched down with so many work that I can hardly really pay attention to each client. I was so busy doing it all, but I wasn't doing it all with excellence. it dawned upon me that my work has lacked attention and sometimes, integrity. With that, I deserve this. I think I should learn to focus on my current assignments and be more particular about my topics, grammar and wordings. To my present clients, I apologize for my lackluster work. I will be better from now on!

On the other hand, I think I should be relieved that I have less work this coming holiday season. Maybe next year will be a good start. I just have to be steadfast, honest and reliable for those who are counting on me.

Hold my hand

If the only thing you need
Is to hold on
To someone's hand
For your life
Here
Hold mine.
It has nothing
But warmth in it.
But if warmth is all you needed
To keep your heart alive
Here
Hold my hand.

Time After Time, 待ってるよ

君の顔
きみの声
見たい
聞いたい
Time after time
覚えてる
Time after time
行かないで
消えないで
ここに
ざいりゅう　して
ここにとどまて。
ずっと
ずっと
この場所
この町
待ってるよ。

Into a new melody

2013 is one of those years where I only managed to write a few songs. Writing songs is one of my favorite expressions, when my pen hesitates to draw a line or put on a color. Words are always a comfort for me, much more a melody. While it's not something that gives me any revenue (although some of my works were used for choirs and bands), I love writing songs in the same way artists intend to get their thoughts across. It's so natural of my to sit at one corner of my room, put my earphones on, hum and hum again, and then put the right words into the tune.

But I've been really busy lately. The kind of business that gave me new directions. It's sad that I can't just curl up somewhere and conceptualize my next story or song. But my time has been put to good use, and my productivity is evident for what I managed to buy for myself.

My notes are filled with half-finished lyrics with half-satisfactory tunes. It was only till last night when I managed to take a glimpse of my most recent works (which are probably made September-Early October). Luckily I did NOT cringe, because I could still feel the words afresh as if I've written it yesterday. This only means I can still relate to those thoughts and that they still exist in me.

In The Playlist: Last Kiss

I feel I'm the type of person who listens to the same song over and over and over again, especially when writing. I love soft, mellow songs to get me in my creativity mood, but then I like to pump things out with lots of guitars and drums when I'm left blank. Instrumentals are my staples, but sometimes you want to find songs you can hum and sing along.

Today's bit of music is sparked by my first listen to Moumoon's version of Memories. It's a ワンピースOST, and it's refreshing to hear Yuka's voice singing in the music-box accompanied song. I love what Moumoon did in their cover; it's quite different, but still the same. Anyways, please excuse my vague musical explanation. I did listen to another musician quite similar to them; she's an OST staple, and her voice is quite refreshing as Yuka's. She's Bonnie Pink, a jazzy, bluesy artist in the Japanese Pop scene. She and Moumoon chilled up my sunny morning and helped me focus on my work as I try to remember what some of their lyrics meant. Five songs, repeating over and over again. I guess that's a big improvement compared to just one song!

Dear my girl

Never give up.
If the world is moving forward, and you feel stuck on the road,
Don't fret.
You don't need to run,
Just walk at your pace
Very soon, you will find your own place
Life seems to be in a hurry
Everyone's in a rush
But don't make bad decisions
Don't take bad roads to cross
Because the truth is,
At the end, the road you're about to take
Is a road intended for you,
A road you yourself makes
Dear my girl, remember
That it's not about what others are
And what you are not
It's about who you are and what another cannot
Take your time, be still
As long as you're given the leisure of
But when you're called to walk
Make sure your legs are stronger
By then you will receive a blessing
Just for you
So when you look at the world
And all around you
And see everything is not the same
All you need to remember
Is
Never give up

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

In the spirit of the season, allow me to send my little greeting through this blog. Thanksgiving is a really meaningful celebration and it just reminds one to be grateful in everything, at all times. While we didn't have any pilgrims traveling in our country (we had the Malays haha), I want to be one with you in your lovely celebration and I hope you and your family gather all together tonight and celebrate your well-prepared feast.



Brushes from Creative Market | Creature Comforts

She was a vampire

She was afraid of her reflection because she was afraid of herself.

The problem with me is I have never looked at myself and felt convinced I am pretty. You know, I'm that girl who dodges mirrors, cameras, and anything that can snap an evidence of my face. When I get "snapped," I would RARELY dare to look at it. So when people tag me on Facebook I'll just ignore it and say "Yes" when they ask if I have seen my picture.

Haha. Well, that was before. A lot of it at least. Right now, I'm slowly learning to look at my face and getting used to it. I am still getting the goosebumps and cringes, but hey, that's MY face. Before, I never cared how my hair looked like, how disheveled I am, how bad my smile is, and all that stuff. I still don't, but at least now I put on some creams to cover up my flaws. I am still NOT photogenic, I never will be I guess, but I hope people will find me lovely (from the inside) when they meet me personally.

Look at my awkward smiles:

Taking a breather one slow Wednesday

Oh yes. Today feels rather slow for me. Compared to my last week hobbledehoy schedule where I have to wake up so early just to finish my work in line for me, I can catch my breath this week and just take everything pretty slow. I miss days like this. When I have time in my hands, roll out of my bed late, do some laundry and FINALLY think of what to eat instead of just grabbing the next edible thing inside the pantry. This is such a refreshing Wednesday, and I feel I'm ready to take on the holiday haggardness after Thanksgiving.

Speaking of holidays, I've looked over my boxes last night when my EZRA package came. I cannot describe how I'm surprised to have my order arriving the NEXT day. And this is so pretty! I'm definitely grabbing the orange frilly blouse. I won't be opening them since they're not meant for me anyway.

Me and Monday

After a 4-day working vacation (with two special events to focus on), here I am, back and running, this last Monday of November 2013. Those past days involves taking pictures, a lot of 'em, and learning new things and connecting with new people. It's surprising how I seem to actually love people, when I spend so much time being alone. I guess this is a bubble complex, if there was such a thing.

I was dead tired yesterday to even sum up Sunday's celebration, which is our church's 112th Anniversary. 112! That's how many generations? How many events? I can only gape at the whole moment and watch everything happen right under my nose.

The kids in the ministry have a new name for me: Ate Barbie. This is all due to my bad brunette blonde hair and my really sneaky way of hiding my spots (yay for no-makeup makeup look!) I don't know whether to enjoy it or not, because whenever I am with them it's like I'm a celebrity and my lean hands gets tugged and pulled and my waist gets so many hugs and everyone wants to sit on my lap. Yep, I'm everyone's raggedy doll.

Pero honestly ang sarap talaga to be around with kids. #FountainOfYouth#Neverland#PeterPan Hwag nga lang SUPER kulit na kids.

— Caris Cruz (@hellocaris) November 24, 2013

Your first heartbeat

I never believed in love at first heartbeat. In love at first sight. For our eyes have been trained to spot beautiful things, things that makes our hearts run wild, throbbing madly, screaming "I want you!" But that's not love.

Love is looking the second time around. It's spotting the flaws. It's a realization of imperfection; a blemished skin, crooked teeth, pug nose and bad hair. It's not a glimpse of an ethereal charm, a fleeting moment of an impulsive desire. It's the knowledge of one's ugliness. And it's loving that ugliness more than one's beauty.

So I ask you, never believe in the first heartbeat, at first sight. Look and look again. And if your heart still beats for her, then it's probably right.

The curls got through

Just in case you were wondering how I looked like (or if I successfully managed to pull a not-so-sloppy formal look of myself) during the L.o.V+E event, here is my case. Still sloppy, but a bit upgraded. Look at my eyes; THIS is what we call AGING.

L.o.V+E Wedding | A Lakeside Event

Hello everyone. The reason for my overnight crimping is this, an intimate wedding event for two of our church-mates, Val and Edlyn. It was something to look forward to, knowing the effort the couple has given to make this celebration as perfect as possible. And so, we at least dressed up to contribute to the perfection, and my crimps are just a bit, although it was unsuccessful!

Anyways, we traveled along with a few of our relatives (one living in Mindoro and the dad-and-son tandem lives somewhere in Leyte) to the venue, Lakeshore at Pampanga. Imagine everyone from abroad and the far corners of the country gathering together just to witness the event! And just as what we anticipated, it's lovely. I just had to take the photo of the light house, first thing when I got off the car.



This must be the venue. It has blue and yellow all over it, the motif of the wedding.



We reached the place earlier than we're supposed to, and good thing Uncle Ed says he'll take us to the villas where everyone is prepping up.

Paper Bonds

There's something I've been longing to try ever since I saw this on a friend's blog. Something really big is coming up and I unfortunately, cut my bangs short a la 김지원. So my best bet is to curl my hair a bit for a Mori Girl inspiration, and not to make me a brown-haired, fair-skin China doll (I've grown up looking like a China doll anyway).

What I did: In the old times, they call it crimping. Or whatever. I must have read too many old literature books to remember, but what I do know is that girls back then doesn't have an electric curler or a blow dryer. And I should say that not everyone is born with the luscious waves, or perm, as was the trend. Anyways, I'm not into perming (I had my thick, straight hair waved up five years ago) and I'm never into heat. Heat destroys hair like mad, and I dislike seeing my hair ends with that bright brown double-ended strip which signifies that I'm not caring for my mane. So I googled up for some tips and here it is. The paper bond curl!

I slept into them, I tell you. But this isn't any tiis-ganda moment because I can sleep into any hairstyle as long as my eyes are closed. Hehe. It's not that irritating to have paper all over your hair. I'm always sleepy anyway.

Deranged, as some may call it.

The thing is, your mess is like poetry to me.
When they say you're seriously insane, I think you're seriously beautiful.

Lost: my mind.

I don't know where my mind went. It probably ran off, right when the images of my people appeared right before my television screen, dumbfounded, wounded, stuck, cold, hungry and bare. I don't know where I could have placed my mind when the grandmothers weep for their little children, lying dead. The ground smells of flesh, skin and filth. There was mud all over. There was death all over.

If my mind stayed with me this whole week, I would have been heartless. But I have a heart, and I worry for them. I have a soul, and I grieve with them. Because these two little hands, who knew no startling damage as what I have seen then, are just itching to do something and save myself from just staring and doing nothing. I want to be redeemed by touching at least one life, one heart, who's crying in the cold, with uncomfortable clothes, with a mud-stricken face. At least. Just one.

Just another person

“You’re just another girl. And he’s just another guy that walks by without turning his head while you’re standing in line for that donut you’re sure you shouldn’t have. He’s just another guy who doesn’t look at you, because if he did you’d know he sees the hair sweeping across your face like it’s alive and your eyes streaming between the strands, or the way your face catches the sun when it’s angled upwards when you’ve had a sudden thought. You’d know that he wonders what made you sad when you get that look in your eye when you think no one’s looking. And though you’re just another girl and he’ll never see you again, you’d know that you’ve profounded his life in a mere moment, that you’ve added to the hundreds of ridiculously beautiful paintings in his head, and that if you caught that wetness in his eye as he turned away and wondered what the hell he was thinking, that maybe, just maybe, it was you.”

― Today is a winding road

Specs of spectacles: the Faith Gospel Singers

So my new shooting buddy (shoot, as in camera shoot) landed in my arms last Thursday in the QUICKEST surprise possible. After my online purchasing escapades, I decided to stop when this little black mirrorless camera arrived home because one, I have to save up, and two, I'm quite preoccupied by using it in many ways and means and I'll be busy shooting than shopping. But shooting things isn't really easy and I'm not as well-favored as having nice picturesque sceneries by my bedroom window. So when I'm out and about, that's when I only see some nice specs. No, I'm not a photographer and never will be. But I DO want to capture beautifully non-scripted shots that makes memories worth coming back to.

I am a Velveteen Rabbit

Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

The way we begin

The thing about beginnings, is that you have to start with really nothing.