Sticks and Stones

Hi. It's a Sunday afternoon; gloomy skies, cold air, a nice time to take a nap or just relax on your couch and watch a good show. That's definitely what I'm going to do, right after I write this down!

This weekend has been incredible wearisome for me. I can't believe how I'll just turn aside all my enthusiasm and choose a little peaceful Saturday moment without the hustle in my church ministry. I am kind of thinking I'm losing my fire for it. Or maybe I need some new eyes to see new things through.

So anyway, I missed a lot of activities at church. I kind of felt embarrassed at Wina that she's been doing most of the work--the work I used to do. Embarrassed and relieved at the same time. It's been a while when I have been so careless during weekends, when I'm the one thinking of what to do during worship and the kids and the band. I used to harbor all those toxicity and it's surprising how another person is taking my place!


Wow. Call it slow withdrawal. Although I'm not withdrawing. Sometimes, I just need a good rest and some guilty feeling of not doing my best so I'd be pushing myself next time.

I kinda missed having silly talks with my kids. It was refreshing when Moe and Kiko walked out of their P&W meeting, with Kiko carrying the laptop and Moe teaching him around InDesign. I love moments like these, when they just have to sit down, think of other things, and let the conversation fall from one place to another.

There was supposed to be lunch. I wasn't there. The team talked on their own (about something) and here I am down with cramps. I kinda felt I was out-of-place. First, because I'm already in Worship, second, I haven't been with them as in in their practice and all. So being out of that "ngarag" circle makes me out of place. (So I'm always in tune wherever I am ngarag. But that can be TIRING.)

I wonder why I feel so distant these days. But I'm just letting things happen. No questions. No rationalizations. Just let it flow. I actually made a song last night after listening to a lot of Jamie Grace. It's been a long time since I made a song I'll actually want to sing!

Tomorrow I might be getting my passport. After this, where to? I don't know. Change is just exciting as well as scary.

Ate Cecil reminded me to "go out" (she tells me this to get a boyfriend) and retells me the story of how she and her husband, Kuya Jay, met. (It was really funny, because they just met at the gate of her house. And that's where it all began) I DOUBT if anything like that happens to me, especially with my current psychological condition. Not that I am psychologically sick or what!

I watched How to Tame Your Dragon today and the story's amazing. And I'm all about stories! It's sad that the lead character sacrifices his foot, but heck. That's where being a new him begins!

I'm listening to the OST right now, and will probably do some shopping. There's a lot more people to bless and thank on my list. Oh, and out of randomness, our internet speed has amazingly improved!

Nanay may be coming over this week, so I'd better prepare to adjust. This is my week's current chronicles, and hopefully the next week is gonna be amazing.