My 2013 Failures And Victories

Okay, so the title seems to be the antithesis of the other, but I decided to push this post, because I thought it will give me, and every reader, the drastic scenario that I have somehow improved. Most of my problems aren't really big, if only it wasn't bloated out by my traumatizing social experiences. But anyways, I would like you to look at my list of failures and victories, and tell me if somehow, between these lines, I am more of a victor than a failure.

1. I have reached my biggest revenue yet, but I lost many clients due to my TH (trying-hard) juggling of them all. Data Dial, Mills and Express Writers. For three months, I have been working on these three networks and I enjoyed the variety of tasks I have. Unfortunately, I'm not from the circus. I don't know how to juggle properly and at the end, I have to say goodbye to these three. Oh, there's another one too. Lesson learned; I shouldn't take more than I can carry comfortably.


2. I have finally learned to talk about my scars, but I do get shaken every once in a while and I feel the need of talking about it to someone. Unfortunately, I do not want to talk about it to just someone. I want to talk about it to the one. And he's not here yet.


3. I finally took a rest in leading the children and Praise & Worship. The con? I am missing the action, the blood rush, and the excitement. Like sugar. I miss the wearying task of being anxious of doing it all. Taking a step back is a good and a bad thing. Which leads me to...


4. I finally realized I want to take a rest. I just can't. Not now. Because everything is deranged, I want to make sure I have finished my part before I go. That's when I'm thirty.


5. I am slowly being sociable, at least on my closest friends and social media. Hey! Talking to strangers is NO easy thing!


6. I have overhauled my site for a number of times, installing, deleting and re-installing it again. Not to mention deleting posts and bringing it back. Now I am starting from scratch and I am writing what I really want. I should have done this in the first place. I could have written so many poems and songs here.


7. I understand how weak, introvertish and emotionally-rich I am, and who I am doesn't bother me anymore.
   This means that I will care so much for so many things than I should, and I will grow with anxiety over one little faction even when the other party shrugs it off. Why? I'm created to care. I'm created to love so much. So I won't be fretting about over-caring because I've done this and that and I wasn't able to stop my heart to pump. I'm going to care as long as I care and when I don't, I won't.

So far, this is my list, and I'm proud of my accomplishments (for myself) despite of my failures. Thank God for the seasons of plenty and the seasons of none; I'm learning to trudge on this journey relying that He will always suffice, no matter what ground I'll be walking on. That includes oceans.