In My Weekend Workplace

Watching Heirs today. I forgot to have a drama / anime spree for a long time, so I guess this is my stress-reliever. A lot of things happened recently; some nice surprises and some really bad ones. But anyways, it's a gloomy, cold and cuddle weather weekend. I had to work a bit and I may have to a little more later, but at least I could relax for now.


I can't remember when I actually lost the energy to go to church every weekend. Last week? Last last week? I mean, there were days I really don't go but I don't feel as I've intended to do it. Because there's a difference between I CAN'T go and I WON'T go and recently, my reasoning ends up with a WON'T. I don't want to intoxicate my soul any longer. It's a personal thing, and I just really want to do things I've never done before. It's like taking something out of my system. I don't know. I don't really know why, but I felt I needed it, or at least a BIT of the feeling.

Well, this week has been a tough block for me. One of my work got rejected (OUCH!) which means, uh, I won't get paid for it. I feel embarrassed especially to my editors. We've worked a lot for that bit of scrap. The thing that I've been thankful for is that I've been honest about my feelings when I talked to the managers, and they said they're gonna help me out. It's bad enough that you don't get paid for hard work, but I think it feels much more worse when there's a lot of other people involved in the project and you feel you failed them.

Of course, they told me this happens. EVERY TIME. And I will be apologizing to them and the editors EVERY TIME. I will be humble. I will be honest about what I feel. And I will be a sunshine in my internet workplace because I want Jesus to manifest even in this kind of atmosphere.

I am still looking for new gigs, but I don't want to take too much because I won't have time for other things. All I really need is an extra $250 a month so I can save up on my 2015 trip. I know earning money in this part of the world is HARDER than say, Europe or US. But I can do it. I will visit my folks in the Netherlands on Spring.  Which takes me to opportunities of meeting amazing bloggers there--they've got the neatest ceramics and kitsch art! Which leads me to the thought that I HAVE TO BUY A CAMERA. I've only been planning something inexpensive and handy, say, a Samsung Galaxy Camera since DSLRs are SO bulky. Or perhaps, since it's already close to the budget, an iPhone 5S?

Wow. I've got a lot of things to work out for.

If I ever get the chance next year (since my extra money is definitely not taken from my regular working budget), I want to travel in Asia. Like Thailand or Macau. Or Vietnam. I want to go somewhere. It's like my spirit has been stuck long and it wants to run wild across the world. But of course, before it goes wild, I have to save up on what I'd be wild about.

I told my cousin it's about time. I shouldn't be the poor, weak, fragile girl they left. I want to be that strong woman who is ready to see the world with big eyes. I want to be freed from the limits I placed myself in.

I really want to see the world God has made. The really big world. There's so many people out there, and I am just aware the my ministry isn't in the church anymore. I have served in that ministry for years. But I think it's time for me to see a greater parish. And I want to know the possibilities of how God CAN use me.

This is a year of change for me. A bit drastic, but the way it whirled so fast, I'm SO going in!